Suicidal Possession?

2012-01-19T16:59:00.001-08:00

First off, let me first start off by saying I have no history of mental illness. I was a very happy girl growing up. A little bit of stubborn temper, but that is because I am Russian. In the 7th grade year of October, I was watching a documentary called "30 Even Scarier Movie Moments" on Bravo. One of the movies mentioned was "The Exorcism of Emily Rose". I grew very interested. I found the book that the director based the movie on. It is called "The Exorcism of Anneliese Michel". It sparked my interest on demonology and the paranormal. I started watching movies involving those subjects, particularly with exorcisms. I grew obsessed. I even learned my cursing from the "The Exorcist". A few months later, I grew depressed and feeling that I was alone in the world. Over my high school years, as each passing day went by, I grew so depressed and angry. I have no reason to be angry. So for no reason. I was so angry and hostile towards anyone who came near me. I started to self-harm. But not cutting. It was to dig my nails in my anal area and bleed myself. I still do it to this day. I am a catholic. Normally, I was excited to go to church and sing the choir songs. But now, it is like every time I walk near the church I get a head ache. When I walk in, after a minute, I grow sick. I found the songs and prayers annoying. Every time people talk of god, I get so angry; I start cursing his name and tell people that god enjoys their suffering. One Monday, I was in the bathtub, all of a sudden I got a very strong urge to drown myself. I was given very clear images in my head, of reasons to kill myself. I had my head under for 30 seconds, when I freaked out. Because I was so anti-social and depressed, my mom then sent me to a therapeutic boarding school in Michigan. I was there for a year. My thoughts grew more suicidal and angry. Thoughts came in my head, that I am alone; god has abandoned me because of my obsessions, that I have no purpose, no friends, and no loved ones. I am now in college. I am uneasy around people. I grow anxiety every time someone walks in the room. And by now, my anger and depression is so high, I don't want to live like at all. One night of last year in November of 2011, I was taking my medication, two pills, and I get the sudden urge to take all of the pills of my medication. Thoughts of no purpose of living, every person one the planet hates me, and a lot of anger towards god. I was about to take them, when my roommate comes in and freaks out. Police came, went to a mental hospital for six hours. People don't get out until after 42 hours. I made up a lie to make the staff there think I was sane, and trying to get attention. It is now January, and I grow worse by the hour. I don't want to die! But I do! Is it possible, that there are demons that influence you to believe you are so miserable, that you feel hopeless and want to die? Please help me!!!!

Violin!!

2011-09-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

yay i got my violin back! now i can play it more!!!!

Angelika's Grand Adventures!

Suicidal Possession?

Violin!!